Today I am starting a blog because I am a brand new nurse. I have always dreamed of this moment and it is finally here. I have worked my entire life for this moment. This is where my dreams begin to become a reality. This is the best days of my life. This is where the child in me dies and the adult becomes alive. Or so I thought anyways.
I have been a nurse for a total of 4 days. I have been very excited, nervous, and scared. My first day of work I thought I might puke, but I didn’t. Instead I walked in with my head held high and telling myself that I am prepared for this. My first day was awesome not a lot different from clinicals. I observed the nurse passing medications, I met all of the patients, I even got to do some skills. On my first day I took out staples this was so exciting. I didn’t even get to do this in clinicals so yes I was excited. After that long 12 hour shift I was exhausted. I got back up for day 2.
Day 2 I walked in a little less nervous then day 1. Today the nurse actually let me pass half the medications. Which doesn’t sound like much, but in clinicals I passed medications to 1 patient. Now I’m passing medication to 8. I did not freak out I pulled the medications she checked them and we moved on. Today she introduced me to skill charting which was something we never went over in school. This worried me, it’s like an assessment, but not really. It’s a lot shorter then what we got in school but you really have to think. I got through it and we finished the charting.
Day 3 I walk in not nervous at all. The nurse I’m with (because I’m still orientating) tells me I’m going to do the whole medication pass. I have 1 hour before the medications are due and 1 hour after they due to actually give them all. I don’t freak out. I can handle this. So I get started right away. Ok 2 hours pass and I just barely get done but hey who cares I got done in time. So I’m excited of course because hey I finished my led pass in time and let’s face it I’m not really familiar with all of the medications yet. And I notice nurses are finding me things to do for practice and I’m okay with that because I need all the practice I can get even if they are just giving me skills so that they don’t have to do them. Straight Cath, TB skin Test, change dressings, whatever it was I would do it. Then came charting and it’s going on 5 almost time for me to leave. I’m thinking it’s been a good day. Then all the sudden someone falls. This can’t be good but that’s ok they are ok. 3 new admits come in back to back. Another person falls so much paperwork to get done. New admits to greet. I don’t even know how to start the paperwork on the falls. Nurses are running around I’m kind of observing at this point because their is just so much going on.
Then a nurse yells at me to get something I have no idea what or where this could be. Because I haven’t been shown this. This was so overwhelming, so many people, so many questions. In this moment I wanted to freak out but I didn’t. I stepped back and I observed things that were going on the best I could. The incident report. What goes on when we get a new admit. Everyone’s role in all of the different things going on. CNAs knowing more the I do ( I’m at a new facilty but before becoming a nurse I was a CNA myself) at this point I feel like I know nothing, and that I haven’t learned anything. I was sure that by day 3 I would be getting this stuff down. I think day 3 was eye opening.
I finally got home at like 8 at night and I sat down on the couch and I just cried. I cried because I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. Because people’s lives are in my hands. I’m scared and don’t know if this is what I should be doing (for the first time in my life) this was my dream. I love helping others, and caring for them, and making a difference in people’s lives. I’m writing all this because this is the stuff they DON’T tell you in nursing school. I’ve never felt like such a failure. I’ve been put on the spot with questions. I have been talked down to by dietary other nurses and even CNAs. I feel like I am at my lowest point. I guess we will see how things go next Monday though. Because I’ve worked to hard for this to give it up now.